Becoming the River: Shakti in Action

"To be pushed away due to something over which I had no control, something I could not meditate away or pray away or puja away, something I could not renounce away or serve away, to be unworthy of presence due to something that fundamental, and which I loved and never wanted to change, filled me with despair, indignation, and gratitude simultaneously - despair that I would be forever rejected, indignation that I should be rejected on the basis of gender, and gratitude because I realized at that moment, hunched over a log on the banks of the confluence of the sacred Ganga, Yamuna and Saraswati, three female goddesses, holy, sacred, divine rivers that, despite( or because of) their femininity was not only pure themselves but were also the bestowers of purity on others, I realized as I scooped water up to wash my face with their waters that I was being pushed to a deeper level of anchoring.

I was being pushed into an inner expansion that had to make room for the simultaneous embrace of my femininity and of the world that rejected it, to be grounded not in having a place on the stage but in having a place in my own self. There would be stages where I'd be welcome, and there'd be stages I was not permitted on. My task was to understand that lack of acceptance on a stage does not undermine the presence of spirit, that females not being permitted somewhere does not undermine the power and purity of the Divine Feminine. People travel from across the world to bathe in the female rivers of India in order to attain purity.

I could send the paradox into my brain, where it would eat away at me, or I could send it into my heart. The heart can create space enough to embrace a world where they pray to the Goddess but don't believe that women's souls are great enough to be a Mahatma, a world where we are taught that there is nothing but God, and where the teachers of this truth see women and men as separate. I have not yet fully resolved this paradox. But I work to expand the space within me until there is room for all sides of the paradox, in which I revere and adore these leaders, and feel deeply grateful for the opportunity to be with them."

- Sadhvi Bhagawati Saraswati, From Hollywood to the Himalayas

Picture Credits: Parmarth Niketan NAS

I finished reading this book for the third time as I sit in my office cabin this afternoon. I never fail to admire the different levels and layers of messages that are channeled to me through books that speak to my heart as timeless guides who never leave your side. They become a part of you as you evolve, and you can always find great wisdom, every time you choose to circle back and revisit the experience. Reading Pujya Sadhviji's book is such an experience for me. And no, I don't say it because I am working with her and under her able leadership and guidance today. I say it because that is how it has been since I first pre-ordered her book and read it on my kindle about a year ago.

The above-quoted section from her book is derived from the context of an event during the Kumbh Mela in 2013 when she was guided off the stage because she was the only female religious leader present. As per our traditions, she was told very politely that females were apparently not recognized as eligible for the "Mahatma" status among saints and religious figures. I felt every word from this extract of the episode hitting me somewhere in my gut. Maybe it is because I have been born and raised in this culture. I have been working with religious leaders and religious institutions for almost 8 years now and know how difficult it is for a local laywoman to be taken seriously, leave alone a religious leader who is not only female but also from another culture in terms of her origin. I felt a mixture of shame, righteous outrage, and a twinge of disillusionment on reading this part that I have felt countless times before on every occasion that women have been denied their due position, respect, and opportunity for expression. However, additionally, this time, I felt a sense of awe. And this blog is about the lesson in Grace that I learned and realized through deeper contemplation on what it means to "Be a Goddess" and vessel for Divine Feminine wisdom in an embodied experience.

Picture Credits: Google

As I read about Pujya Sadhviji's experience at Kumbh, simultaneously despite all the usual emotions of outrage and shame welling up inside, it also hit me that it was 2013, the very same year that GIWA or Global Interfaith WASH Alliance was founded at the UNICEF Headquarters in New York City. This Alliance of religious leaders from across the world chose Pujya Sadhviji to lead this initiative as its Secretary General. Consciously choosing compassion and forgiveness to keep serving as the vessel for Shakti, Sadhviji was silently carving her way through the mountains of obstacles, rejection, and disrespect to flow on, meandering and touching landscapes, shaping them, birthing the soil for life to burst forth and flourish, everywhere she went. As the image of her crying at the point of confluence of the three mighty goddesses in flow seared itself into my mind, I could only think of the combined power of the three rivers flowing into her and through her to touch the lives of countless women as she has, through GIWA's WASH interventions. From outrage, I found myself experiencing awe and then an "aha moment!" So THIS is what "SHAKTI IN ACTION" looks like!

Today, as I sit here in my cabin at the GIWA office in Parmarth Niketan ashram, I completely and profoundly realize why I have been led here and called into service by Pujya Sadhviji. Her life and work are meant to teach me the art of flow in humility and as an embodiment of Grace. I cannot "become" the river without this essential lesson! It is no accident that I chose to go back to this book then, during the first month of my stay at Parmarth even as I find myself settling into my new role and environment.

Picture Credits: Google

The river has always called out to me in more ways than I sometimes even consciously registered. As I followed that call, the path revealed itself to me only to spur my evolution as a peace-builder, facilitator, and budding river( maybe still a mountain spring). My journey into "becoming and being" the flow has seen many interventions, divinely guided along the way. From meeting women of incredible grit and strength who led me to understand womanhood as an anchor, rooting the will and intention for life and everything life-giving in its wake, to understanding the value of flow from witnessing Shakti in action within communities in different creative, and stunningly powerful ways, my journey has been quite an adventure so far! I have read, researched, dreamt, and learned from characters in history, myths, literature, and life. Could I have possibly asked for more? Just to be a part of the legacy of women who have kept the ancient ways and wisdom of the Divine Mother alive, is in itself a life full and ripe with purpose and fulfillment. The river of intention, wisdom, life, and compassion finds sustenance from moments of deep soul-searching, contemplation, and encounters as I have had the blessed fortune to be a part of. As I pause to breathe in and soak up the fullness of the presence of Shakti in the aftermath of the experience of reading about Pujya Sadhviji's story of service in India, I find her wisdom beaming a lamp of guidance illuminating my journey so far in reflection and retrospection, to offer meaning, hope, and inspiration for a path carving itself out with no credit to me or my limited understanding of life. SHE has always been "in action" in my life, working her wisdom to nudge me toward my potential of "becoming the river". If only, I had known!!